"mommy, sit down with me."

As January approached, all I could think about was how to simplify more… how to embrace slowness without those busy, anxious thoughts floating in the background. New year, less things. Less hours working, less time spent on meaningless things and thinking meaningless thoughts. More time laughing with my babies, more time in prayer, more cuddle time on the couch with Christopher, more hand-lettering, more creations in the kitchen… sucking the marrow out of each day. It's not easy, friends. It takes discipline to be fully engaged. It's something I'll be working on for the rest of my life.

I'm realizing this a whole lot these days with Elleanora. Her main expression of love (and how she feels loved) is pure quality time. If too much time goes by where she is playing by herself, she starts to get restless. Whining mode kicks in and the big "NO!" becomes her default response (no matter what is offered!) What she really wants is someone right next to her...someone teaching her the alphabet or chasing her around the room making the most ridiculous noises or stacking wooden bowls on top of one another. Undivided attention. As soon as I stop cleaning or (dare I say it) get off instagram to come alongside her, the room instantly lights up with her smile. It's amazing.

For example, last night the kids and I were at home by oursleves. I threw together some sauteed garlicky kale with quinoa pasta (topped with grated parmesan, of course!) Elleanora sat across from me feeling like a big girl; we ate, laughed our little hearts out and soaked it all in. As soon as I got up to put our dishes in the sink, she sweetly uttered, "Mommy, sit down with me." Naturally, I popped right back in my chair, and out came a huge sigh of relief from that little mouth of hers. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces. This is everything. Making her feel loved is everything.

So all in all, the phrase that drives most of the moments of my day is this:

If I'm going to this motherhood thing, I'm going to do it whole-heartedly. (God helping me).

xo Jenna

//

These pictures are from the other day. The four of us (what?!) relishing in the beauty of the most perfect of all fall days. And since I have a few short moments to myself, here are some concrete things I've been learning over the past few months.

 Cling onto the things that will last. 

We need a leather couch. (So. Much. Spit-up.)

Pursue God, then your husband, then your kids. 

Let's not rent after our lease is up, let's buy a house!

Tit-for-tat is no good. 

Calligraphy and dancing with Elleanora are my best forms of therapy these days.

I have one happy, happy little boy.

Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.

Get alone in a room, shut the door and pray. 

My babies are great teachers. 

Toasted Pecans and a dijon-maple, balsamic dressing can make any leaf taste amazing.

Grad school needs to wait till after we're done having babies.

Schedules just work for me.

Green eggs, soups and smoothies are key for getting E to get her veggies.

I must choose joy and keep choosing it.  

Ooook, time to nurse :) 

he's here!

Jameson Clive arrived on July 19th (a week after his due date). All in all, it was a calm, thrilling experience. Utterly surreal with no major discomfort. Bless, bless, bless that anesthesiologist. 

So, life with two under two is going better than I imagined. Christopher and I are more confident as parents, and my body healed much faster this time around. Also, this little guy just started sleeping 6-7 hours through the night meaning that full night's rest isn't too far away. Praise! Naturally, everything in my day seems brighter and easier to handle when I can sleep. Did I mention that I have the most amazing man by my side who goes above and beyond to help? He's not even real. My children will probably never fully grasp how blessed they are to have him as their daddy.

It's incredible how I can already sense Jameson's temperment (mama's boy for sure) and how different it is compared to Elleanora's. My fiesty, little spit-fire and my super chill, charmer. What a pair. 

I most certainly did not expect E's motherly instincts to be so automatic...but I don't think she could show any more sweet affection torwards her brother. She calls him "Jamen" and would sit down holding him in her arms for hours if she could. No trace of any jealous feelings, but a LOT of over-protective feelings torwards "strangers" who touch or hold him. It's probably the cutest/funniest thing ever. I find myself laughingly apolozing to people 10+ times a day because of how aggressive she gets. My goodness. What did I deserve to be surrounded by such cuteness?

my little bestie.

Oh Elleanora,

My belly is growing, and you're becoming more active and more…feisty. We're just calling it the premature terrible 2's. It's been quite a challenge at times. Your daddy and I have really needed to be on top of it lately. I love your determined, strong-willed spirit, I do. It just needs to be channeled in the right direction :) You're as sweet as they come too, by the way.

These days you have been loving every minute of running around outside, going into the pool or ocean, playing with the big kids, watching Winnie the Pooh and eating blueberries. You're talking non-stop and your presence is known wherever you go. You make sure of that.

All I know is that the good Lord knew you needed a little brother thrown into the mix sooner than later. I'm certain it will be a little tough for us all to adjust to a brand new life, and I'm certain I'll have some moments when I fall apart. I'm human… and the only reason I don't fall apart more often than not is because I have the sweet grace of Jesus surrounding me. My confidence and trust is in Him. I want you and your brother to remember one thing about me. Allow me to preface: I came across a quote this morning right after I woke up; it hit me so hard.

"If you don't fight for joy, it's your children who lose. What do I want my children to remember; my joy in clean floors, made beds and ironed shirts or my joy of the Lord? You will be most remembered by what brought you most joy." -Ann Voskamp

I want you to remember me as a mother who constantly set her heart's affections on things above, not things on earth… a mother whose hope was set on the eternal, not on worldly nonsense. I promise I will try my best to do this, which will ultimately affect how I treat your daddy, you, Jameson and any other babes that might come along. That is my heart.

I love you so much,

Your Mommy (you started calling me that recently)

there she is!

"There she is!" ...is what she screams when she pops out from behind the curtain after 10 seconds or so. Her favorite game to play. 

Oh, let's not forget the "B" quartet (books, balls, bubbles and bananas) the four things that just completely encompass her thoughts.

Elleanora is so eager to learn these days. It's just amazing what words come out of her mouth at the end of each day or what motions her chubby, little body performs out of nowhere. Animals sounds, downward dog(?!) and dancing are her "things" right now. She really cracks us up.

And, yes, the day came when she uttered the word "No!" for the first time. Her will is getting stronger, and tantrums are on the rise, but we are committed to staying consistent with discipline, and she is responding quite well. I think she has a little more Christopher than Jenna in her. Thank. You. Lord.

spring summary

Ah, I finally found a few moments to write here. It's Friday night, I'm at home, Christopher is at youth group, it's raining, Elleanora is soundly asleep, and Jameson is kicking away. I'm also sucking on a cough drop because I am so, so thirsty but need to stop drinking at 7:30pm these days. This way, I'm only up twice in the night (instead of 5-6 times) to use the bathroom. Some nights I am up a lot due to other discomforts, and the following day is hard to get through.. especially since I've been working quite a bit. Eating isn't too enjoyable. As soon as I swallow a few bites and take a sip of water, I feel like my organs are literally being smushed together, causing a whole lot of discomfort. But, hey, before I know it, I will be holding and kissing my son. Cannot even wait.

Above, are a few pictures of our long awaited spring. Elleanora felt grass under her feet for the very first time, we celebrated our 2nd year anniversary, Nana Kate came for a visit, we offically became debt free... along with plenty of beautiful and not so beautiful days in between.

I have been trying to choose joy no matter what. That grumpy, snappy behavior can so easily creep in when I'm having a dead to the world kind of day. But, in those tough moments, I'm learning that God's grace can keep me gracious. I can be honest about how I feel minus the bad attitude. Always learning with each new situation that arises.

Well, my eyes are shutting, so this post ends here.

Cheerio, loves!