"mommy, sit down with me."

As January approached, all I could think about was how to simplify more… how to embrace slowness without those busy, anxious thoughts floating in the background. New year, less things. Less hours working, less time spent on meaningless things and thinking meaningless thoughts. More time laughing with my babies, more time in prayer, more cuddle time on the couch with Christopher, more hand-lettering, more creations in the kitchen… sucking the marrow out of each day. It's not easy, friends. It takes discipline to be fully engaged. It's something I'll be working on for the rest of my life.

I'm realizing this a whole lot these days with Elleanora. Her main expression of love (and how she feels loved) is pure quality time. If too much time goes by where she is playing by herself, she starts to get restless. Whining mode kicks in and the big "NO!" becomes her default response (no matter what is offered!) What she really wants is someone right next to her...someone teaching her the alphabet or chasing her around the room making the most ridiculous noises or stacking wooden bowls on top of one another. Undivided attention. As soon as I stop cleaning or (dare I say it) get off instagram to come alongside her, the room instantly lights up with her smile. It's amazing.

For example, last night the kids and I were at home by oursleves. I threw together some sauteed garlicky kale with quinoa pasta (topped with grated parmesan, of course!) Elleanora sat across from me feeling like a big girl; we ate, laughed our little hearts out and soaked it all in. As soon as I got up to put our dishes in the sink, she sweetly uttered, "Mommy, sit down with me." Naturally, I popped right back in my chair, and out came a huge sigh of relief from that little mouth of hers. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces. This is everything. Making her feel loved is everything.

So all in all, the phrase that drives most of the moments of my day is this:

If I'm going to this motherhood thing, I'm going to do it whole-heartedly. (God helping me).

xo Jenna