favorites.

Elleanora,

I never thought a baby could make me laugh so much. Whether it's the way you blow kisses to every mirror and stranger you see or the way you grunt when you bend down to pick up a ball that is double your size. You are an entertainer.

You have plenty of favorites. Wallets are way up there on the list... any kind of ball, red plastic cups, taking clothes out of drawers, Nonna's sauce with meatballs and ravioli, big pillows, 

and screaming "Papa" whenever you feel like it. You're also loving green smoothies these days, which makes my heart so happy. Favorite shoes? None yet.. because you don't really wear them. Your feet are just a little too chubby.. see that sore on your foot up there? Yep, too tight. We'll figure it out.

My favorite thing about you? I think it's when you climb up on your little chair, cross your legs and make your hilariously, heart-warming sounds while turning the pages of a book. You. Love. It. And you just really love life in general.

Kisses,

Mama

12 months.

Ok, it's true. I blinked, and an entire year has passed. 

Let's do a quick milestone overview, shall we?

At 2 1/2 months, she cracked a smile, and we heard the sweetest giggle for the first time.

At 3 1/2 months, she was rolling over and doing cartwheels around the room. Also, she was holding her bottle (when I supplemented) and started sleeping 11 hours through the night (!!!). 

At four months, the swap from the bassinet to the crib happened. 

At 5 1/2 months, she started the army crawl

At 6 months, she started eating solids/sitting in her highchair (get the OXO highchair, people)

At 7-8 months, the crawling stage began

At 9 months, waving and blowing kisses

At 10 months, "da-da" was uttered 

At 11 months (late)... walking! saying "ma-ma", "hott", "bye-bye", "baby", "up", "papa", "nonna", "ball", "thank you" (sorry, this is merely for me to remember) 

At 12 months, she held her first almond butter and jelly sandwich and ate it like a big kid; I thought it was a pretty big deal. 

to listen

"The word obedient comes from the Latin word audire, which means 'listening'... Jesus' life was a life of obedience. He was always listening to the Father, always attentive to his voice, always alert for his directions. Jesus was 'all ear.' That is true prayer: being all ear for God." - Henri J.M. Nouwen 

Sometimes my daughter demands my full attention. Being her mother for almost a year now, I know the difference between her hungry/sleepy/teething/dirty diaper cries and her "whiney for no reason, cater to me and ONLY me" cry. Learning to ignore the tantrums or to take action and discipline takes practice. The easy thing to do is to just give in to my child's tantrums, allowing her actions to control me. 

This aspect of parenting reminds me of the loud, anxious thoughts that can take over my being. I have a choice: I either sit back and let the anxious thoughts control me or I discipline my mind and heart to listen to the Holy Spirit's guidance. Learning the discipline of solitude is key in this. Anyone who's human knows how hard it is to cut out time in the day to be quiet. There are too many distractions to count, but I can make excuses for the rest of my life, and that will get me nowhere. It's a constant battle, but like any discipline, it gets easier as time goes on. So, a year from now I will look back on this post and have this completely down. An hour of solitude every day.

Haha, Right.  

My goal right now is 15 minutes of complete solitude each day. 

It's doable, but we'll see...

less house, more home

1. Christopher and Elleanora watching people do impersonations of different celebrities

2. Chicken salad (with lots of carrots, onion and spices) over spinach: main pregnancy craving aka Jameson's main choice of food

3. The window sill in our bedroom // Also, that quote from St. Augustine just gets me.

4. A Spurgeon quote written with my dip pen

5. Another brushlettering doodle :) 

6. A watercolor piece that I picked up at an estate sale a while back; it's my favorite. 

7. Miss E being daddy's girl

8. Miss E giving me some type of instruction 

I don't think I've ever been more content in my life than I am these days. No, I don't have my dream house or my educational goals finished. I haven't gone to South America, Asia or Africa yet, and I most certainly have not mastered any certain skill. I could go on and on about what I don't have yet, and the things I will never have in this lifetime. 

"Less house, more home." It's a saying that has been ringing in my ear for a few months now. 

Less house.... or caring too much about the things in your house.

Things always get it the way, right? No matter how hard we try to place them in the back of our minds, we'll be fighting the battle against greed and comparison the rest of our lives. It's such an exhausting thought, but it's the reality we face. 

We have a small space that we live in. It's lovely and small, and I'm learning to be truly OK with that (especially when I know we have another life joining us soon). A smaller space means less things... it's kind of freeing, really. Less to clean! I do, however, have a tendency to keep wanting to change the things I have. I get tired of pillows, the setup of a room etc... That's when "house" gets in the way of "home" for me. Being too concerned about messes plays into that as well. I'm learning to be ok with messes (even encouraging it sometimes) because I want to remember my children and me enjoying each other. I never want to view my children as hindrances. 

So many times in my life, I have looked forward to the next, big thing. The next adventure, the next move, the next new thing. Looking back, I wasn't truly experiencing the adventure at hand, and I missed out. Motherhood is teaching me that all these little moments I am experiencing with my family are really the biggest things. Living with this perspective is changing everything for me. 

a letter series for my littles//

I'm starting a letter series for my children. I know it's not original, but I always believed this was a powerful idea. My dad wrote me plenty of letters as I grew up, and even though I disregarded his words initially, God used them in a huge way to change my heart. 

These letters will mostly be filled with snippets of stories, truth and wisdom that I have learned...(ALWAYS learning). I am such a broken person, but Christ is making me more whole each day. I know he uses my brokenness everyday to bring his name glory. And I know he will use it to shape the lives of my babies. 

 My Elleanora,

I'm already getting teary eyed before thinking of any words. Maybe it's because I thought I could never have you. Having plenty of health issues, science told me that I couldn't have grow a baby in my tummy. But, the good Lord wanted you on this earth for his delight, and I will be forever honored and blessed to be your mother. I become speechless from time to time when I think about it in its fullness. You bring me endless joy. Having you has given me a tiny glimpse of how God sees His children...and how He must feel when I break His heart.

At 11 months old, you haven't really had the chance to break my heart (maybe when you refuse to cuddle with me), but I know there will come a day when some decisions you make will hurt me deeply.  Ugly moments will happen and prodigal moments will come. Maybe you will have small ones like your daddy or big ones like your mama, but unlike us humans, our God doesn't measure how small or big our wrong deeds are. He has given us all we could ever need, and he's promised us an unconditional love...true love... if we accept it. But sometimes, it just doesn't seem like it's enough.

That's exactly what the world will tell you.

The world will tell you many things you must do in order to be loved and satisfied. What you must achieve, what you need to look like and who you have to listen to. "Your worth," says the world, "is measured by these things." Don't let the lies creep inside your thoughts, my sweet one. Hold onto truth for dear life. Stand strong, and remember... the world's love is always conditional. There is always a heavy price, and the end result is never, ever the result you thought you would get.

You see, every time we search for unconditional love where it cannot be found, we break the heart of the One who's opinion matters most. Every time we use the gifts that he gave us to please the world rather than using them to praise his name, we are doing the exact opposite of what we were put on this earth to do. I don't like to think about it much, but there might be a time when this is what you choose. Just know that your daddy and I are here to help you, guide you and love you in both your brightest and darkest hours. As long as we can.

The truth-filled life is not easy, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that it is truly...living. My biggest hope is that you will grasp this sooner than I did.

Love, your mama

"I am loved so much that I am left free to leave home... I have left it and keep on leaving it. but the Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: "Your are my Beloved, on you my favor rests."

-Henry Nowhen (The Return of the Prodigal)

a little nursery tour

The "e" and banner is handmade by our dear friend, Jenny Wilen. When she gave it to me for E's shower, she had no idea what colors we would pick for her future nursery. Couldn't be any more perfect!

Another friend, Connie Bertucci, made this precious blanket for Elleanora. I'm glad she chose white... Jameson can enjoy it too. She made a big person version for Christopher and me as well. 

Love this painting. Found it at Christmas Tree Shops, believe it or not!

We went with giraffes. 

The mobile was handmade my my sweet sister-in-law, Ashley. I love it to pieces. Again... great unisex colors!

Elleanora's pals. 

"Gregory" used to scare the living daylights out of her, but she's grown quite fond of him.

Brainstorming...

I'm not exactly sure what caused this reaction, but she's really cute when she cries.

Love to all!

Jenna