I'm starting a letter series for my children. I know it's not original, but I always believed this was a powerful idea. My dad wrote me plenty of letters as I grew up, and even though I disregarded his words initially, God used them in a huge way to change my heart.
These letters will mostly be filled with snippets of stories, truth and wisdom that I have learned...(ALWAYS learning). I am such a broken person, but Christ is making me more whole each day. I know he uses my brokenness everyday to bring his name glory. And I know he will use it to shape the lives of my babies.
My Elleanora,
I'm already getting teary eyed before thinking of any words. Maybe it's because I thought I could never have you. Having plenty of health issues, science told me that I couldn't have grow a baby in my tummy. But, the good Lord wanted you on this earth for his delight, and I will be forever honored and blessed to be your mother. I become speechless from time to time when I think about it in its fullness. You bring me endless joy. Having you has given me a tiny glimpse of how God sees His children...and how He must feel when I break His heart.
At 11 months old, you haven't really had the chance to break my heart (maybe when you refuse to cuddle with me), but I know there will come a day when some decisions you make will hurt me deeply. Ugly moments will happen and prodigal moments will come. Maybe you will have small ones like your daddy or big ones like your mama, but unlike us humans, our God doesn't measure how small or big our wrong deeds are. He has given us all we could ever need, and he's promised us an unconditional love...true love... if we accept it. But sometimes, it just doesn't seem like it's enough.
That's exactly what the world will tell you.
The world will tell you many things you must do in order to be loved and satisfied. What you must achieve, what you need to look like and who you have to listen to. "Your worth," says the world, "is measured by these things." Don't let the lies creep inside your thoughts, my sweet one. Hold onto truth for dear life. Stand strong, and remember... the world's love is always conditional. There is always a heavy price, and the end result is never, ever the result you thought you would get.
You see, every time we search for unconditional love where it cannot be found, we break the heart of the One who's opinion matters most. Every time we use the gifts that he gave us to please the world rather than using them to praise his name, we are doing the exact opposite of what we were put on this earth to do. I don't like to think about it much, but there might be a time when this is what you choose. Just know that your daddy and I are here to help you, guide you and love you in both your brightest and darkest hours. As long as we can.
The truth-filled life is not easy, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that it is truly...living. My biggest hope is that you will grasp this sooner than I did.
Love, your mama
"I am loved so much that I am left free to leave home... I have left it and keep on leaving it. but the Father is always looking for me with outstretched arms to receive me back and whisper again in my ear: "Your are my Beloved, on you my favor rests."
-Henry Nowhen (The Return of the Prodigal)
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